Do You Make These Five Mistakes When Asking for Something at Work?
Most people think asking and getting (or not getting) are two sides of a discreet switch.
But how skilled you are at executing your “ask” almost always plays a big part in the outcome.
This is especially true at work, where trip wires of politics, implied power and competition lay everywhere.
Not taking these into account can cause a blow up and demolish your chances of getting what you want before you’ve even posed the question.
Check that you’re not making these five common mistakes and discover the one powerful question you must ask yourself before you ask anyone else for anything.
#1: You’re Waiting
Asking for more money, more vacation, a promotion or anything important to you, can be nerve wracking and thus easy to put off. Avoidance, delay or procrastination rarely help your cause.
As soon as you know there’s something wrong, missing or needed, start preparing to take action.
You teach people how to treat you. For example, you’re underpaid and let it go (and go and go) you’re communicating that you accept it; a dangerous precedent that could be hard to reverse.
#2: You Don’t Have a Clear Case to Present
Failure to complete basic due diligence is the most direct route to a, “No.”
You may not need to deliver the entire case you prepare, but have it ready.
If you’re unprepared, the person you’re asking is going to see that you didn’t do your homework and you’ll lose ground fast. Why? Because you took their valuable time to ask for their help, some justice or both and you didn’t even show enough respect for them to show up prepared
“Because …” is not a reason and walking in and throwing yourself at someone’s mercy, in most cases, is a short route to losing respect and credibility.
Consider:
What does this person need to know?
What can you foresee and take care of in advance – think research, paperwork, delegation.
For example, if you’re asking for an overseas transfer, do you know the company policies, the forms, the approvals needed? Get the information in advance and have answers to questions ready.
You’ll likely get, “I don’t know the policy around that” or “I’ll have to check with HR/accounting/my boss.” If you have answers ready, you’ll make a powerful statement that you’re committed and willing to work for it not just ask for it. There is a correlation between how hard you’ve worked and how hard they’ll work for you.
#3: Are You Acting Entitled or Playing the Victim?
Even if you’re suffering an obvious injustice, don’t play the victim.
When you present your case, leave the live wire of injustice untouched. If you let your boss, supervisor, whomever, notice it all by themselves, they’ll be more likely to fix it.
If you make it about a “mistake” that needs “correcting,” you’re inadvertently pointing out that they let it happen. Nowhere are people more sensitive to their mistakes being pointed out than at work. That’s a third rail.
#4: You Haven’t Thought About Them or Anyone Else
Everyone, without exception, approaches each situation thinking, “How will this impact me?”
Do you know what stressors the person you’re asking is experiencing that day? That week?
If you’re under the glass ceiling and want to ask for a raise, is your boss under that same glass ceiling?
Asking for a promotion? When was your boss’ last promotion?
I’m not suggesting you let these things stop you, but be aware of and sensitive to needs and perspectives other than your own.
Competition at work is real and even the best of teammates (and bosses) can be petty and jealous.
When you succeed, everyone may not be gracious. Think through how getting what you want will impact others and wherever you can, use this information to craft a more considerate approach.
#5: You Don’t Put It In Context
Are you asking the right person?
What was the last thing you asked for from this person?
What do they ask for from you? Do you deliver?
What will you do if you get what you ask for?
What will you do if you don’t?
If you get this, does it mean someone else won’t get it?
And finally, is what you’re asking for what you really want or is it cloaking a bigger issue?
For what seemed like a long stretch in mid-career, I was underpaid. A change in leadership brought about a salary review and my pay was brought into parity. Naturally, I was happy, but it also had a surprising outcome.
Getting my salary corrected had become my “white whale.” I’d attributed everything that was wrong about my job to my low salary. Once it was fixed, I realized it wasn’t the single source of my dissatisfaction. I resigned within the year.
Our culture makes it easy for us to believe happiness is in getting the next thing you want. So, perhaps the most important element of asking for something is to be sure that getting it will give you the feelings and the experience you’re expecting and not just fleeting relief from a greater pain.
Courtney Kirschbaum is keynote speaker, career strategist and advocate. Her advice has been featured in Fast Company, CIO, and Business News Daily magazines. A TEDx speaker and award-winning presenter, she’s inspired and empowered thousands to take control of their careers. She’s the creator of Career Strategy Original Experience.